He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
