Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
