Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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