I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
