At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
