I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
