***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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