I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
