There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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