So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
