dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize