Your tits are I can't wait for
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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