Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
