he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize