Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she smelled like a LAN party
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
