Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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