he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
