I hate your face
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
