i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
