I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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