I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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