i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
