I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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