It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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