One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
