when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
