Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
