cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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