Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
