I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
