Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Randomize
