You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
