Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
