the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
