Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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