don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
