omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
