I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
