I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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