I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
