I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
