They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
