At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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