Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
