the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
