He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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