that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize