I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
