maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
