Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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