I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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