I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sarcasm needs its own font
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
