I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
