I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize