Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
