If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A+ Viking dick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
