seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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