my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
