I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
