I need to stop coming to work sober
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
