We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
