My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
