If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
