you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
