And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
