so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
