Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have aggressive nipples.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
