What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
