I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
