i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
